Discipling Your Kids

As the new year begins, one of the best ways to spend it is by working with your spouse to develop a plan to disciple your children in 2010. That’s right, you read correctly. There should be a plan when it comes to helping grow your kids spiritually.

I would also argue that if your current plan for accomplishing this endeavor is the one-step strategy of “Take them to church,” then I suggest getting a better plan. Let me give you a few reasons why:

1. We risk giving our kids the impression that Jesus is someone we learn about for an hour one day a week (and that’s going to church weekly, which, truth be told, most Christian parents don’t do). Consequently, faith is viewed as something partitioned off from the rest of our lives. Christ isn’t seen as central in life but a footnote, and often a small one at that.
2. We cannot cultivate a heart for anything or anyone by merely one hour a week. For instance, how much time do our kids spend participating in sports each week? School? Gymnastics? Why? We know why. It’s because children (and adults) need both quality of time and quantity of time when it comes to growth in any area of life. Yet, this is just as true spiritually as it is physically or intellectually.
3. We can lead our kids to believe that the only people who really know about God, and thus, who should teach us about him are the experts - the pastors, directors and teachers at church. This feeling only gets reinforced when our kids ask us spiritual questions and we repeatedly reply, “That’s a good question. Let’s ask Pastor So-and-so.” It’s natural for kids to put us in tight places by the questions they ask, but when we continually put the spiritual ones off to the “Pastor,” all we’ve done is communicate to our children that the arena of faith isn’t a parent’s territory. Nothing could be further from the truth.

From the very beginning, parents have been central to the spiritual formation of their children. The words of Deuteronomy 6:4-9, known as the Shema to Jews around the world and foundational instruction for God’s people in the Old Testament, reads:

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Note the emphasis on the role of the parent, “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” (6:7) Parents are the primary disciple-makers of their children. It’s a mandate from God that hasn’t changed over the centuries. No wonder Ephesians 6:4 reads, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Helping our kids grow spiritually is our responsibility. And it should be intentional, strategic and ongoing.

That’s why I believe one of the best ways to begin the year is by sitting down with your spouse and developing a plan for how you are going to pour into your kids spiritually. It will look different for every family. In fact, if you’ve never done this before, never fear! Begin small. Start reading a children’s Bible to your kids each weeknight. Read just one story. It might take only five minutes, but if you’re faithful to do it, you have already begun in some small measure to create spiritual momentum in your home which may impact your family more than you could ever imagine!

Let me conclude by sharing what my wife and I plan on doing weekly with our children in 2010.

Mornings (When we rise)

• Read and briefly discuss one story from Egermeier’s Bible Story Book at breakfast
• Review Scripture Memory for the week from SojournKids Family Worship Guide
• Work through one question of the catechism (A catechism is an historic, time-tested Q&A approach to teaching children Bible doctrine and gospel tenets) adapted from SojournKids Family Worship Guide

Afternoons (When we sit in our house and walk by the way)

• Find moments throughout the day to highlight God’s work in the world and the goodness of the gospel
• Read Hymns for a Kid’s Heart and then listen/sing corresponding hymn over lunch
• Have the To Be Like Jesus CD ready in the car to sing when we drive around town

Evenings (When we lie down)

• Read and briefly discuss one story from The Jesus Storybook Bible
• Pray with kids, pray for kids.

Some will do more, others will do less, but this is simply our initial plan for 2010. My challenge to you, dear parent, is to just do something…something more than just taking them to church. Please understand, you can do this! Indeed, you are called to do it. And if God calls us to something, he will empower us in the undertaking of it. Let 2010 be the year that you took the reigns of responsibility for your kids spiritual development.

So, what’s your plan?

Disturb Us, Lord

In part three of The Parent Trap, I challenged parents to avoid the safety trap. If parents always keep their kids safe, they will find themselves protecting their children from Jesus. He calls us to follow him, and following him is not safe. People who follow Jesus must live by faith and faith includes risk. You must take up your cross daily and follow him.

So parents might embrace “The American Dream Jesus,” who is so popular in our consumer version of Christianity. But this will only endanger children more; in their boredom with the view of Jesus that simply keeps them safe, they will pursue risk in all the wrong ways and miss really living. I closed the message with a poem sent to me by my father. Many have asked about it, so I’ve included it here.

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
with the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wilder seas
Where storms will show Your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.

We ask you to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push back the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

This we ask in the name of our Captain,
Who is Jesus Christ.

– Sir Francis Drake who sailed in 1577

Avoiding the Parent Trap - Resources for Parents

The following books are resources we have found helpful in becoming more gospel-centered as parents. This does not mean that each person on staff would agree with every point made in these works; however, they are, generally speaking, of such a high quality that we believe they can benefit you in your pursuit of raising children who not only love the good news of Jesus Christ but make it central to their life.

Gospel-Powered Parenting: How the Gospel Shapes and Transforms Parenting by William Farley. Bill Farley's new book on parenting is rock solid. It is so because it is so profoundly grounded upon the all-sufficiency of the Word of God and the Gospel of grace. When it comes to parenting, Farley is no neophyte; he has been in the trenches raising sinful kids by the grace of God and for the glory of God for two decades. Nor is he going to give you theoretical platitudes; he is honest about his own deficiencies and his great need of Gospel wisdom in parenting. Here is Jonathan Edward s theology made accessible to depraved parents raising depraved kids in a depraved world. This is, ultimately, a parenting book full of hope, hope grounded in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. --- Douglas Bond, author of Fathers & Sons.

Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel. Kimmel, author and founder of Family Matters ministries, likens many Christian parents' attempts at rearing children to putting together a puzzle without first studying the completed picture located on the box's cover. Kimmel states that families of faith tend toward extremes, either being overly permissive or overly legalistic. This is not a particularly new concept, but Kimmel pulls it off with interesting storytelling and sound biblical parallels. He says Christians frequently believe that the battle for a child's heart and soul is fought on the outside-with rigid rules and boundaries-when in fact just the opposite is true. He underscores the importance of communicating the unconditional love that Christ offers and affirming this timeless message of grace to one's family. - Publishers Weekly

The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones. The Jesus Storybook Bible' says it all: The Scriptures are not merely a collection of stories designed to teach moral lessons. As Jesus explained to the men walking the road to Emmaus on Resurrection Sunday, the whole Bible is about Jesus. In the words of the subtitle, every story whispers his name….Lloyd-Jones manages to show again and again the presence of Christ in all the Old Testament Scriptures, and the presence of the Old Testament Scriptures in the life of Christ. - Christianity Today

This is absolutely my favorite children's Bible because every individual, beautifully illustrated story ultimately points to the greater Story of Jesus and the good news that is the Gospel. I joyously use this Bible with my own children. - Yancey Arrington, Teaching Pastor

You can also see Bibles we recommend for different age-graded ministries - here.